My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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