Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
