I wish I could punch you in the face.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
