I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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