That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
