1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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