Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
