I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
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