i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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