Well douche your snatch and let's go!
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
