Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
