I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
