she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
