Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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