margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
