oh god the rape fog is back!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
