There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
