pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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