haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
