:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
