just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Do you remember whose house we're in?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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