I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
