Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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