You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
