I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
