there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
