When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
