They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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