whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
