I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
