i just sent this text using only my big toe
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
