I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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