I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
