It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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