She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
