i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
