i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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