I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
