ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
