At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
