Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
