just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
