i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
