Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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