Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
