yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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