I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
