i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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