she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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