If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
