You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
