The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
