We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
