I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
