Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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