i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
