i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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