I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
