i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
