why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
