Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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