Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
