I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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