Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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