i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
