some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
