i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
